The guy told me he sees me as a friend

So I predicted early on that he was emotionally unavailable. The dates were extremely romantic and intense but they were far and few. He would disappear in between dates and not make plans for the next date. It was always a day or two before the date. I have mentioned in my previous post about how frustrated I was with him since I had invested so much in him and was dating him exclusively even though he didn’t ask me to. So I decided to step back. I mirrored his behaviours, I didn’t initiate texting, got busy with life and didn’t care about when he’s going to ask me out.

He asked me out and we went out, had fun. He was intense and romantic as usual. Its been more than a month of dating him and he continues to open doors, paying for dates and is well behaved. He started calling me randomly and we talked for an hour and he arranged for the next date. So we ended up meeting on Monday and then Wednesday.

We ended up making out on the last date and he seemed more into me than ever. He kept smiling and complimenting me as usual. So I asked him what he feels about me since it seemed like the perfect moment. But it wasn’t! He said flat out he sees me as a friend. Which came as a huge shock considering he even mentioned once that it was a nice date after we met. How can you go on dates if you’re friends? So I needed to know why he wants a friendship and nothing more so I asked him.

He told me a long story about how his ex is still in his life because she’s depressed and dependent on him. He said he’s been with her for ten years and he cares for her. He wants her to move on but she is still dependent on him for her happiness. He said he has baggage and wouldn’t want me to be involved in this mess.

It seemed like a load of BS to me. It just seemed like he was an emotionally unavailable man who was stringing his ex along and using her while he dates other women. He possibly is still in a relationship with her and thus can’t be officially in a relationship with anyone else. I asked him if she knows about us and he said yea she knows about our ‘friendship’.

So I felt like the other woman. I was angry, shocked and wanted to leave. He said sorry if he gave me mixed signals but he doesn’t want to lose my ‘friendship’. I wanted to cut him off at that moment but that was my loss. That would have been an emotional decision and I would be crying alone at home being all hurt that some guy won’t call me his girlfriend.

So am I going to control myself from over reacting and “go with the flow”.

Dating An EUM (Emotionally Unavailable Man)

I started dating after a long long time. I came across this handsome successful independent man. The first date with him was awesome, he was witty, charming and everything I wanted in a guy. And soon (within two days) we met again for the second date, which was equally amazing. I couldn’t help but start imagining my future with him, how we’d be together and travel and kiss and so on.. Big mistake!

He sort of disappeared after the second date. We texted a bit. I tried to find out about his past relationships and I wanted to know what he’s looking for, as he avoided any personal talk when we’re on a date. He told me he enjoys being single since he’s a workaholic and he has no time for a relationship. Reg flag!! But obviously I ignored it as subconsciously I thought I can change him.

He talked of taking me out the following week but then cancelled last minute saying he’s busy again. He told me he works even on the weekends which was a bit too much to believe but I ignored that flag too!

Had the third ‘date’ at his place, three weeks after the second date, and it involved me driving to his place as he was too busy and tired to drive. I went there and we had an amazing time again. Him telling me how beautiful I am and complimenting me a lot. Telling me he loves spending time with me and that I should visit him more often. He opened up about his job, his parents, asked me a lot of questions about my life. He didn’t try to get physical with me yet was romantic, held my hand, kissed my forehead and it felt like a dream, literally!

At this point I realized that we were definitely more than friends and I wanted to talk to him about what was going on but I was scared of being perceived as desperate and needy. We met again after a week and again it involved me going to his place and us ‘hanging out’. He promised that he would take me out on Thursday when I said we should do something different.

After that, he disappeared. I sent him a message yesterday asking him about his day and he replied late as usual and asked me about mine. I told him about my work, about how I felt that day but he chose to just ignore it. Today is Thursday, the day we were supposed to meet. He’s online on Whatsapp but he isn’t contacting me.

He is extremely romantic when we meet, the most sensitive and understanding guy in the world. But then he disappears and distances himself when we’re not together. Its almost as if he consciously tries to create a distance so that he doesn’t get attached to me, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out if he’s dating other women. The one thing certain about him is the uncertainty. You never know when he’s going to ask you out or when he will text you.

So I’ve decided not to react because that will only make me appear needy. I am going to distance myself because it isn’t worth it to invest more of my time and energy into him.

I used PlentyOfFish, Tinder, OKCupid and everything else

I got bored of being single. Dating was so much easier when I was in college. It was normal and acceptable to approach people and it was quiet easy getting dates. Being a woman in her mid twenties, the scene has changed quiet drastically. I work and I definitely don’t flirt or try to date people at work! Once in a while I go to parks, movies, malls but obviously no one approaches you there and neither do you. I don’t go clubbing, I stopped doing that a year ago after I realized that it was pointless.

So how does a girl get a guy? Online dating of course, I thought. After trying almost every free dating app in the last three months I’ve realized that it just gets you frustrated. The good looking attractive young men are out looking for one night stands/ friends with benefits and the older men just don’t appeal to me. Sometimes you come across a profile that’s interesting and the guy is decent looking too but he’s 100 miles away and the chat chemistry quickly fizzles out because no one wants a long distance relationship.

One really pathetic app is Tinder. Its as shallow as possible. You choose your potential date based on one photo knowing nothing about the person. He could be a homeless man on drugs or some psychopath but it doesn’t matter because looks is all that matters on this app.  I got almost 100 percent matches. So cool, I thought. But I got one message per twenty matches I think. So most guys swipe right on every picture, and lead you to believe that you’re someone really attractive. But you’re not. The fact that you get one to two messages per day, mostly to enquire if you’re down to fuck. So very uplifting! And don’t even think of messaging guys on your own because you will NEVER get a response back.

So anyway, online dating is not my thing. I still have my account on OKcupid because that’s the only site where people bother reading your profile.

Two Years Post Break Up Post!

thank god for the break up

Oh well I had forgotten about this blog I made 2 years ago after ending my first relationship. Breaking up was awful, I thought I’d never make it. Haha but I did and it was the best decision. This guy tried contacting me this year. He is basically a mess right now. He tried modelling, small time business, everything but he is jobless at 28 ,ouch! Yes, he’s never had a job. The same guy who seemed amazingly attractive while in college seems like just a pretty boy now. I feel really bad for him.

3rd week of break up: Went out with a new guy. Felt awesome!

Felt so awkward at first. I was supposed to meet him yesterday but was too confused as it felt so wrong. But I gave it a try!

And i’m back feeling truly awesome. I’ve realized that my ex is not the best guy ever. He’s actually the worst.

So here it is, my post break up count ends and i’m not gonna look back.

Day 20 of break up: He has a new girlfriend. It hurts so bad.

I was happy. So happy that I felt I should just let my ex know! I texted him and was being all cool. Telling him about where i’ve been recently, discussing the movies i’ve seen lately. He seemed disinterested and that kind of triggered my emotional side. So i messaged him something like i dont know why but i am feeling a bit low.

And he texted me please don’t irritate me or i’ll have to block you.

I replied that was so rude and he said sorry. I replied you always make me cry by being so heartless.

He then dropped the bomb. See, i have a girlfriend now and i dont think we should be in contact like this.

My eyes filled up, felt like someone punched me in the chest. Like someone is pulling my intestines out of my mouth. Just wanted to disappear at that moment.

I sent him several texts just expressing my disbelief and messaged him how could he move on so quickly and that i feel like an idiot as i still cant forget him.

Bad move. He blocked me.

Yes, he was, he is and always will be i guess so cruel.

How can anyone move on in two weeks or so? And i’m assuming he was in contact with her even before we broke up. He has cheated before but this time i guess he dumped me for her.

He told me he wants to be with friends and family and doesnt want a relationship. He doesnt have a job and said he wants to focus on that aspect of his life and get a job by end of this year. So i was hurt but fine with it.

But it was a big fat stinky lie. As he still doesnt have a job, still sitting at home doing nothing but the only thing that has changed in his life is his girlfriend.

I’ve been replaced, no, kicked out out from his life. I have my exams in january and i’m in no state to study or even socialize right now.

How could he be happy with someone while I am suffering here everyday. He probably started dating her even before we broke and must be fucking her while i am wiping my tears. The emotions i am going through right now are unbearable.

This news has hurt me more than the break up itself. I thought we could be friends as we both were mature adults who wanted to enjoy singlehood. But nope! I was totally wrong he just wanted some new girl in his life.

I am nothing to him.

Day 12 of break up: I lose. I fall to his feet.

I cry the moment i get up in the morning. I somehow manage to go out with a friend but life just seems so much more stressful and dark without him.

He sucked as a boyfriend. Never wanted to take me out or spend time with me. Cheated on me, lied to me, ignored me when i was sick but still my stupid female mind loved him and i guess still does.

I texted him ‘i am sorry plz give me a last chance’ ‘plz call me wenvr ur free’ ‘u der’ n other such pathetic desperate messages.

He hasnt responded to any of the above messages. It hurts like hell. Why cant he just love me back? Am i so bad? Is it because i am fat? Short?

I keep thinking its my fault. I just have lost all hope that i can ever be happy without him.

I just want him back.

Day 10 of break up – Gloomy and Helpless

I messaged him. I messaged his younger brother. Nothing seems worth doing. My exams in two weeks but i cant even look at books right now. Every little thing reminds me of him. He seems to be the best i could ever have. I drift away day dreaming about him at random times during the day.

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Feel terribly lonely and sad when alone no matter how happy i was when with friends.

Talking to other guys seems disgusting and im comparing every guy with him only to conclude that he was the best.

He has moved on and most probably found someone else. His brother told me that he seems very happy and is mostly out with his friends.

He knows I am miserable right now and all i want in this world is to be with him, near him, just like the good old days but he just doesn’t care now. We are back to being strangers.

Signs that a guy is a dickhead who’s going to cheat on you very soon

Well if you’re reading this chances are high that you very well know he’s dickhead but let me elaborate the signs just for your confirmation.

1. He says ‘i love you/i miss you/ i need you/i wanna marry you’ too soon. No one falls in love in two weeks or even two months. My ex told me he cant live without me and wants to spend his life with me a month into our relationship only to cheat a month later.

2. He lies about little things. He told me he’s a vegetarian when he ate meat every day just because i was a vegetarian. He pretended to be a vegetarian for god knows how many months. He said he lied to impress me. But if a guy pretends to be something else thats definitely a red flag for psycho and cheater.

3. He has too many female friends. They’re everywhere. Messaging him on facebook, on his phone, he’s playing online games with them and so on. You say its weird and he blames you for being so narrow minded and suspicious. My ex kept chatting to this girl online said she was his close school buddy. Ended up meeting a random online chick who he met when i was out of town.

4. He disappears for days or even weeks. He says his uncle died or cat went missing or that he lost his phone. Excuses way too dramatic to believe. But the female brain is dumbed down in love and tends to believe such excuses.

5. With time he grows apart. A guy really in love will grow closer to you as time passes but this guy will slowly cut you off from his life. He will become more and more busy with time. Will prefer playing games online rather than helping you when you’re sick. He will lie that he is working when he’s actually just checking out girls at some bar with his friends. He will be least interested in calling you and you will be the one making the calls. He will always make excuses when you make plans to go out.

6. He will finally successfully cut you off from his life. If he’s a shameless jerk with no balls he’ll end up cheating on you without letting you know that he is no more interested in you. He may pretend to be guilty only to blame you by saying that the relationship was boring/dull/stressful/long distance or any other excuse which shifts the blame.

So if you’re dating a guy who’s showing any of the above signs just dump his ass and move on before its too late and he crushes your heart. This guy isnt the type who can be changed into a better man. He’ll only turn you into a paranoid insecure woman.

You get the point. Move on.

He says he faked the relationship to keep me happy and doesnt love me at all

October: I broke with him as i felt he didnt care for me anymore and was only hurting me everyday by his lack of interest.

November: I told him that the break up is really affecting my academics and that i’m feeling very depressed and he agreed to get back together.

He was sweet, adorable for a month till my exams got over. We made so many plans for the vacation in december.

Two days after my exams, that is on 5th december, he calls me and says he was just faking the relationship as he didnt want my exams to get affected and that every single thing he said was a lie.

We had made big plans to meet on 7th and we had discussed each day what we’d do. He said that he made the plan only to make me happy and doesnt intend to meet me.

I couldnt stop crying. It felt like a nightmare. To shocking to be true!

He ended the call saying not to contact him again as he was only doing this to help me study and get over depression and that he has no feelings for me and cannot be in a relationship with me.

But I was shattered by the fact that he could lie everyday for a month.

Thats day 0 of my new break up.

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